Teaching to Share through Tea Time

ASK THE EXPERT: Gabriela Boddy, party planner and etiquette enthusiast

Q: My 7 year old daughter has been talking about having a tea party but I don't know where to start or if she is old enough for it?

A: Your daughter is at the perfect age! Make it a fun, learning experience for both her and her friends. It's also a great way to let them use their creativity and introduce etiquette into their young lives. The time together in preparing for and hosting a tea party relies on many skills, writing, socialization, decorating and baking, etc.

Little girls and children in general find the tea party experience magical and they are never too young to enjoy it. There is something marvelous about getting dressed up and being fancy. To start their interest in hosting gatherings with friends or grandma I encourage you to start a tea party box. A place where they can keep a couple of napkins, some paper for simple invitations or cards, a couple of tea cups and saucers and some tea bags. That's it, ready for tea with a favorite doll or teddy bear!

There are many reasons why a tea party is magical. Tea soothes and relaxes the body and it is a great thing to share with close friends and loved ones. It's also a great way to celebrate a birthday or other special occasion.

The interest for tea started in China. Legend has it that a Chinese emperor was the first to drink a cup of tea more than five thousand years ago when dried leaves from a bush fell into water that his servants were boiling at his requests. This is probably also a reason why the origin of tea has had regal attachments. It continued to get shared through the world in different ways up until that little bag full of infusions that at the moment of being dipped in hot water releases the most wonderful tastes and aromas.

Having tea has turned into a ritual and there are 5 main things to keep in mind when having a tea party for children while making it special but uncomplicated:

1. Invitations: Tea parties are meant to have something personal attached to them, a handmade note or handwritten invitation works wonderful.
2. China and napkins: Special things should be used, like a beautiful or favorite tea cup, napkin and tea pot.
3. Decor: A nice small or big table should be decorated to please the occasion, flowers in a small vase, glass votive holders and place cards are exquisite options.
4. Tea: Pick a flavor that is smooth and fruity.
5. Bites: Accompany your tea with something delicious like tea sandwiches and scones

Finally there are some points of etiquette that we must remember when drinking tea:

• When the tea is too hot, don't blow on it, wait until it cools down on its own
• Don't make clinking noises when stirring your tea
• If your tea is served with a saucer, pick up the saucer with the tea cup and hold it under while you drink.
• When you are done with your tea is done and you want more, put your spoon on the right side of your saucer. If you are done, leave the spoon in the cup.

Gabriela Boddy has 10 years of experience planning wonderful parties and is the owner of Enchanting Tea Parties, a company dedicated to create beautiful tea party experiences for groups of ladies of all ages. For more information visit www.enchantingteaparties.com

SAVE THE DATE
ChariTea Bear's Tea Party

Sun. May 16, 2010 (2-4pm)
Grosse Pointe Farms Pier Park-Community Center, 350 Lake Shore Road, Grosse Pointe Farms
Party Fee: $25 per child (which includes a new 15" plush animal, costume and t-shirt), $20 per adult. Children and adults will enjoy a dress up Tea Party with 'tea' refreshments.
Info: call 313.432.3832 or visit www.familycenterweb.org to learn more about ChariTea Bear's Tea Party and download an invitation flier.
RSVP by May 7

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Cyber Bullying

Ask The Experts: Kathy Rager, Executive Director, CARE

Q: My 10 year old child has been picked on by a group of kids at school. Now he is beginning to receive threatening emails. I have been told to have my child handle it but he is scared and does not seem to have the skills necessary to address what is becoming a more serious issue. Help!

A: When I started teaching parenting classes 22 years ago, it was common for parents to share stories of their children getting "picked on" at school. My advice was the classic, "tell your children, sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me." Boy was I wrong. Words, and they have gotten meaner do hurt, and words often lead to physical abuse.

Of particular concern in this new age of technology is cyber bullying. I have heard of it but never dreamed that it could really happen to my wonderful 13 year old granddaughter. "Suzie," she doesn't want her real name used, has been plagued by two girls who, for a period of over six months, followed her in the hallways, name mean remarks about her appearance and, recently, pushed her against the locker. In tears, Suzie shared, once again, with her mother that she did not want to go to school. Mom decided it was time to intervene. After discussing the situation with the principal, one of the girls was expelled for five days. Soon after, Suzie began receiving vulgar e mails threatening her with violence. It can also be noted that the bully was back in school before the five days expulsion expired.

When discussing the situation with a friend, she shared that her niece had to change schools because of the ongoing bullying. What can a parent do?

i-Parent Times states that 32% of high school students and 17% of students grades 5-8 admit to having said mean or hurtful things on the internet. It is not enough to say that parents need to stop their children from bullying. This is a great thought but unrealistic. Unfortunately, some parents do not believe that their children would involve themselves in such behavior and some parents are bullies themselves. That being said, some parents will interview but they may be few and far apart.

i-Parent Times gives the following suggestions for those that receive bullying messages through e mails or other social media sites:

• Don't erase the messages or images. Save them in a folder. They may be need for taking legal action.
• If bullying has occurred at school, report the emails to them. Most schools have a bullying plan in place.
• Make a police report if the messages threaten safety.
• Block a bully. If the bully is attacking through instant messaging, the person can be blocked.
• Don't open messages from someone that you know is a bully.

"If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much." Marian Wright Edelman

Read more on cyber bullying at www.isafe.org/internetsafetymonth.

Kathy Rager, Executive Director at Community Assessment Referral & Education (CARE) and parent educator has provided advice on raising competent, capable children for the last 24 years. Her advice is based on a formal education, experience with highly stressed families and raising her own three children. She can be reached at 586.541.0033, krager@careofmacomb.com. CARE is located at 21012 Mack Ave, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236. You can learn more about healthy parenting by visiting CARE's web site at www.careofmacomb.com or call the CARE office at 586.541.0033.

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders

Ask The Experts: Shelly Bania, FASD Prevention Specialist/Program Coordinator, CARE

Q: "The school psychologist is encouraging me to have my child screened for FASD - Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders - as part of their overall assessment? I've never heard of FASD. What does an FASD screen look like and what does this mean for my daughter? I mean, I did drink before I knew I was pregnant - but my doctor said not to worry about it."

A: First, let me say, no mother wants to willfully harm her child. 50% of our pregnancies today are unplanned and for many people social drinking is a part of their everyday. However, we do know that any amount of alcohol does pose a risk to the developing fetus and can affect development in seemingly subtle ways. For example, does your child frequently melt-down during a routine trip to the grocery store?

She was fine before you walked through the doors, and now her behavior - screaming, kicking, grabbing - is puzzling, at best, and most likely leaves you feeling annoyed, embarrassed, and thinking she is behaving very poorly, even willfully so.

Her meltdown is not willful misbehavior if what's behind the behavior is really sensory integration issues due to prenatal alcohol exposure. Learning this leads may lead to understanding the behavior and responding to it in a very different way. She's melting down because the lights are bright, the smells are VERY strong, and the noise is too much for her to process all at once. Her brain is on "sensory overload", but she doesn't know it and can't express that to you.

Having your child screened for a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is just that - a screen. It consists of a conversation, reviewing medical records, and analyzing a digital photo of your child's face. It can and does play a significant role in having a comprehensive assessment of your child and can lead to learning more about how she thinks, acts, and learns.

A positive screen is not a diagnosis. The next step would be a referral for a comprehensive diagnostic evaluation. FASD staff can assist you in every action step along the way - providing education and support, as well as some financial assistance.

Including an FASD screen as part of a comprehensive Early-On or IEP pre-evaluation is an opportunity to address any concerns early, rather than later. Research shows that early intervention, supports, and services, goes a long way in an individual's success in living with an FASD.

Shelly Bania is the FASD program coordinator and project director for FASD ACHIEVE, part of a national initiative through SAMHSA FASD Center for Excellence to provide early FASD diagnosis and intervention, at CARE (Community Assessment Referral & Education) of Fraser & Grosse Pointe Woods. Contact CARE at 586.541.0033 for more information about FASD, screening, and services. Visit their Website @ careofmacomb.com.

SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers

Tues. May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Are Your Kids at Risk? - A Local Resource

Ask The Expert: Lynda Zott, BSW, CPC-M

Q: A friend of my son is in trouble with the law over drug use and has been sent to a youth diversion program in our community. What is this program?

A: Youth Assistance Services (YAS) offered by CARE (Community Assessment Referral and Education) has served the families in Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods since 1991. The Youth Assistance Program for males and females ages 9 to 16 years and the Young Adult Diversion Program for males and females ages 17 to 20 years acts as a diversion to help prevent juvenile delinquency and is designed to address status offenses such as curfew violations, retail fraud, minor in possession of alcohol or other drugs, destruction of property, etc. It offers those who have committed first time offenses an alternative to the Wayne County Juvenile Court.

Local police departments, families and courts refer young people to this program. Services are voluntary and confidential. There is a fee. Components of the programs include work service, mentoring, adolescent group interaction and parenting workshops. A comprehensive psychosocial assessment can be completed and referrals made to counselors and other local programs. There are stringent requirements before a client can be successfully discharged from the program. CARE is continually evaluating and enhancing present and future programs to better service the need of the Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods communities.

Q: What kinds of drug problems are you seeing in the young people who are referred to you?

A. When I ask teens to name the biggest problem facing young people today, drug use leads the list. Consistently, drug use is identified as being among the top problems confronting the nation's schools and communities. Many adults don't recognize the degree to which our own children, schools, and communities are at risk. One can easily see the correlation between concerns such as; school failure, pregnancy, violence, neglect, sexual abuse, depression, family and cultural issues, and suicidal ideations or completions.

According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, nearly 1 in 10 high school seniors admit to abusing powerful prescription painkillers. A shocking 40 percent of teens and an almost equal number of their parents think abusing prescription painkillers is safer than abusing "street" drugs. The National Institute of Drug Abuse Research Report classifies several medications that are commonly abused.

The most common medications are

1. opioids which are usually prescribed to treat pain,
2. central nervous system depressants used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders, and
3. stimulants which are used to treat sleep disorders and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.

The increasing purity of heroin makes snorting/inhaling a realistic alternative to injecting and may be contributing to reported increases in hospital emergency department visits. Also, the street value of heroin is significantly lower than the unlawful sale of prescription drugs.

CARE's programs are prevention oriented. With our diversion programs, teens have a much better chance of successfully completing their high school years and developing into strong, independent and healthy adults.

Lynda M. Zott is the Student Assistance Coordinator for CARE (Community Assessment Referral & Education) with a local office located at 21012 Mack Avenue in Grosse Ponte Woods. Lynda can be reached at 313-332-0972 or 586-218-5271 or lzott@careofmacomb.com.

SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers

Tuesday May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

What You Don't Know Can Hurt Them! From Jail Cells to Brain Cells: Teens and Substance Use Disorders in the New Millenium

Ask The Expert: Mark Menestrina, MD, Brighton Hospital

Q: Is teen alcohol and drug use really a problem?

A: Teens are especially vulnerable to alcohol and other drugs. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive decisions and judgment, is not fully developed until a person is in their twenties. Early use of substances is predictive of subsequent Substance Use Disorders. In addition, when teens use substances, the results can be especially tragic. Barbara Madras, of the Office of Drug Control Policy, has said, it is no longer a war on drugs, rather, a defense of our young peoples' brains!

While teens usually overestimate drug and alcohol use among their peers, parents almost always underestimate such use. While some risk factors for teen substance use, such as family history, are not modifiable, others can be. Parental attitude also plays a critical role in protecting our youth. Parents need to be informed and involved. A recent non-scientific social networking survey of teens and alcohol use revealed that 91% of young people who drank felt they got away with it because they considered their parents "clueless"!

Times have changed! You may be clueless yourself if you think "Gateway" is only a computer company or if you consider "Designers" just expensive jeans. If you think a "Pharm Party" is a rural recreational activity involving tractors you may be under informed. And "Robo-Tripping" is not what R2D2 did in Star Wars.

• "Gateway Drug" is the first illicit substance a young person uses. Since 2005, that is most likely to be prescription drugs, especially pain medications.
• "Designer Drugs" are changes made to controlled substances in an attempt to make them not illegal.
• "Pharm Parties" involve teens bringing medications to a party to put in a candy bowl for all to use.
• "Robo-Tripping" is abuse of over-the-counter dextromethorphan (as in Robitussin).

Being a parent is full of challenges, but remember to be a parent, not a friend. To address substance use issues with your children is not easy. But to not address them can be even more traumatic. We teach our children at an early age to not go with strangers, to wear seatbelts, to be aware of fire safety. These are appropriate topics, to be sure. We often don't address the risks of teen alcohol and substance use, and our young people sometimes die before they have a chance to hear such messages.

Get informed, seek advice and counseling when needed, and always know it's not just someone else's kids who may have problems. It can happen to anyone! Lastly, if your teen may be using substances, you are not alone!

Dr. Mark Menestrina is the Medical Director of the detox unit at Brighton Hospital and the Medical Director of the Southeast Michigan Community Alliance. He is a board member of the Livionia Save Our Youth Task Force as well as Building Better Families Through Action. He is Board Certified in Family Practice and certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Dr. Menestrina is a frequent presenter at schools, public events and media presentations. He can be reached at (734) 421-7997 or mmenestrina@brightonhospital.org.

SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers

Tuesday May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236