By Veronica J. McAtee, MS, LLP, BCBA
Q: I've heard that ignoring bad behaviors works, but when I ignore my child, she just acts up more!
A: Ignoring behaviors is an effective tool to use when it seems like your child is doing something to get a reaction or your attention. This might include things like whining, crying for an item, or yelling. In order for this technique to work you must ignore the behavior every time it happens, which can be difficult to do.
The key is that you are ignoring the behavior, not your child. As soon as your child begins a positive behavior or the opposite of the negative behavior, you should immediately acknowledge that with praise and attention. For example, your child is crying because she wants a cookie after you already told her "no" multiple times. After a few minutes she stops crying and begins to play with her toys. This would be a great time to walk over to your child, get close to her and say "I like how you are quietly playing with your toys right now." When you ignore a behavior it will usually get worse before it gets better because your child is trying harder to get a reaction from you. You want to make sure that you don't attend to a behavior when it's getting worse. If you are consistent and wait to pay attention when the first desirable behavior occurs, it's more likely that ignoring will work to decrease negative behaviors. Keep in mind that you should only ignore behaviors when you have determined that it is safe to do so and that ignoring only works for attention-seeking behaviors.
Q: I can't get my child to sit down and eat meals. It takes him forever to eat and we can't go to any restaurants! What can I do?
A: It's important to develop a meal time routine and for all meals and snacks to be at the table so that your child learns the importance of sitting while eating. First reduce distractions during meals by turning off the TV and keeping toys away from the table. For some children it can be helpful to use some visual aids. For example, a digital timer or sand timer can show your child how long he must sit. Set a timer for a shorter amount of time and when the timer goes off, you can let your child get up for a little bit. Bring your child back and have him sit for the same amount of time again until he has finished eating. Gradually increase the time requirement once your child is successful with this. You can also try giving him a smaller portion of food and requiring your child to eat all of the food before he can get up. If your child continues to get up from the table, it's important to bring him back right away and not allow him to take food with him. Parents can also teach by modeling the behavior that you want to see at meal times and trying not to eat "on the run." Consistency and following a specific plan at every meal will help you teach your child to sit.
These are general answers to common questions; it may be necessary to seek additional guidance from a behavioral therapist.
Veronica McAtee is a Limited Licensed Psychologist and Board Certified Behavior Analyst at Beaumont Hospital's Center for Human Development. She specializes in treating children with autism spectrum disorders, developmental delays, toileting issues, and problem behaviors. You can contact her at (248) 691-4777.
SAVE THE DATE: Veronica will provide a presentation on behavior management (early years: birth to age 6) and answer your questions on Wednesday February 25, 2009 from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Beaumont Hospital, Connelly Auditorium (468 Cadieux, Grosse Pointe). The free program "Behavior Management" is part of The Family Center 2009 Partners in Parenting Enrichment Series. To register call The Family Center at 313.432.3832.
The Family Center is a 501c3 non-profit community organization that depends on donations.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
