By Mary Ellen Brayton, LLPC
Q: Two weeks ago my husband lost his job after working for the same company for 10 years. Are there any local programs that could help him? He seems lost and does not know were to begin. Applying on-line doesn't seem too promising. I wish I could help him, but I don't know what to do.
A: Losing a job is one of the biggest changes we can experience. People often say the only constant in life is change and in today's business environment, we are definitely experiencing change on every level.
There are a few things for you to keep in mind during this period of transition and change. We can look at the change as upsetting and frightening or as an opportunity to learn something new and improve ourselves. The choice is up to us. This will involve getting out of our comfort zone and that can be scary as well as emotionally and physically draining.
Your husband is processing a number of feelings. He lost something and he'll need to grieve. Give him time to do this in order for him to move on. Encourage him to maintain a healthy lifestyle: eat healthy and get daily exercise to sleep well. Be supportive of his need to be with friends and family in order to network. Allow him time to just unwind and forget about his situation for a bit. This will help to recharge his battery.
Depending on the age of your children, you'll both need to explain the change to them as well. Let them understand that it is a temporary situation and let them do their part to "help". Maybe they can do some chores around the house that used to be serviced out or help figure out ways to save money. Let them have some input. Now may be an opportunity for a little quality family time together. This can also be a time when the family really feels like a team that is working together towards a common goal.
Turn this into a positive learning experience. Seeing their father make the best of the situation by learning how to cope with change and disappointment is a valuable lesson for kids of all ages.
St. Paul's Catholic Church on Lakeshore in Grosse Pointe Farms has just begun a group for people like your husband who are in the midst of a career transition due to unemployment or "under-employment". The group is called "Take Control" because they help members "take control" of their future by providing information, support, resources and networking opportunities.
Ask your husband if he'd like to join this group. It meets every Monday morning from 7:30 - 9:00 a.m. in the Church's Assembly Room. There is no charge to participate and it is now open to non-parishioners as well. Each week there is a speaker on topics relating to job search navigation, including tips on resume writing and interview skills; the do's and dont's of networking; how to work with a recruiter; and suggestions for staying positive during the transition process. Each presentation is followed by Q & A. There is also time for members to get to know each other and network.
A LinkedIn Group was developed for resume and job postings in addition to the group discussions. The membership is continually growing with people from various backgrounds including finance, accounting, IT, sales, project management, marketing, and more. It's a great group! It is always open to new members and volunteers whose skills could benefit the group.
In these tough economic times, good things can happen. We need to focus on the positive and filter out the negative that we are continually bombarded with from the news media. My parents were a product of "The Depression" and members of "The Greatest Generation", and not by mere coincidence. Hardship can bring out the best in us if we take time to learn the lesson.
More ideas on how to make the most of the career transition period for those who have recently lost their job:
Get support. Losing one's job is a loss on so many levels--intellectually, socially and emotionally. We are defined by what we do, so when we lose that piece of who we are, it can be devastating. We need to acknowledge that. It is similar to the stages of grief that one goes through after the loss of a loved one; shock and denial, anger and frustration, sadness and depression, and finally acceptance and hope. Before we even begin the job search process, we need to feel whole and to be able to project a positive attitude. Getting support from family and friends may be enough. If not, this might be a time to get some short, focused, professional assistance to help reframe self-defeating thoughts or get a new perspective on things.
Stay connected. Loss of our job usually equates to less human contact and more isolation. We need to resist the urge to sit in front of our home computer searching for jobs on the web. Call old colleagues, friends or neighbors and meet them for a cup of coffee. Join associations or groups. Networking is a way of life now and it's not going away. Networking is more than handing out cards or resumes--it's about developing relationships with people. Finding our next job isn't going to depend on what we know or who we know, but rather on who knows us.
Make a business plan. A successful job search doesn't just happen. Our days may be less scheduled now, but we need to resist the urge to waste time. Put together a plan of action and schedule specific times each day for specific activities. It is easy to get distracted and wonder where the day went. Think of the 80/20 Rule: 20% of our time is typically spent producing 80% of our results. Make sure you are scheduling those results--oriented activities on a daily basis.
Learn a new skill. No matter the field of our expertise, there is always something new to learn. Maybe a new computer class or a continuing education course in our field would be helpful. It's also a great way to meet people. Social networking is very popular. Learning about LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter could be extremely beneficial. We are NEVER too old to learn a new trick!
Volunteer. A great way to feel better about ourselves is to help others. Sharing a talent or just filling a need can go a long way to feeling productive again. Call your church, favorite charity or local school district and ask them how to be of help. It's a great way to get out there and make a difference!
We need to keep a positive attitude and surround ourselves with the right people. As Viktor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Life is potentially meaningful under any conditions, even those which are the most miserable . . . what matters is to make the best of any given situation".
Join the Take Control meetings each Monday morning at 7:30 a.m. at St. Paul's Catholic Church in Grosse Pointe Farms. It's a great way to take control of your job search and obtain information, support and network. Contact Mary Ellen Brayton for more details.
Mary Ellen Brayton is the former Program Director of The Family Center and is currently a professional counselor in private practice in St. Clair Shores. Contact her at 586.321.0185, email MEBRAYTONLLPC@comcast.net, or visit www.maryellenbrayton.com for more details.
20090 Morningside Drive
Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
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The Family Center is a 501c3 non-profit community organization that depends on donations.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
