How to make the Shift in Life

Ask The Experts by Sadie Bolos O'Neill, The Bolos Academy

Q: I'm a married mother of three, work full-time and find it so hard to keep balance in my life. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I'm looking for ways to relax and enjoy my life more, can you help?

A: Stress is a part of our lives everyday. Are you operating under functional or dysfunctional stress? We all experience functional levels of stress. Planning a wedding, attending a high school reunion, taking an exam, interviewing for a job are all examples of functional stress. When we begin to experience physical and emotional set backs, such as health issues, depression, ongoing anger and behavioral outbursts, that indicates dysfunctional stress that falls below the level of balance on the continuum scale of functional stress.

So how do we stabilize the level of stress, holding it at a functional level? How do we channel stress into as a positive motivator and use it to facilitate positive, change?

Step 1: We Make the Shift

The shift begins in our thinking. The shift begins by first reframing the stressful situation as an opportunity. Review the situation at hand and accurately and honestly identify what is really going on. Most often Stress is escalated by change. Most of us do not embrace change. We resist and deny change. The Shift means we look at challenges along with change as an opportunity to grow.

STEP 2: Let it Go

Continuing to resolve the situation along that same path is not working. Most likely it is causing more stress and little satisfaction in your life. It's time to let it go and find a new approach. That may involve talking with a family member, seeking expert advice, reading an informative book, taking a class, looking for new sources of information or all of the above. All of these are coping resources for stress. Over time you will identify which are best for you. Once you have embraced the change, you can look back and reach a new level of appreciation by observing what you have learned. You are now ready for...

STEP 3: Moving On

Moving on is an opportunity to grow with introspection for the future. Ask yourself...how can I now serve others and what was the gift I received through this change. When you are able to see the gift, you have truly moved on to a place of healing and growth. Sadie Bolos O'Neill founder of The Bolos Academy is a speaker/author with 19 years experience as business/staff development consultant/coach. She can be reached at: 313.605.3850 or sadie@sadiebolos.com, visit her Website: www.sadiebolos.com.

Save the Date: Eliminate Stress at Home and in Your Life An Evening of Information & Inspiration featuring: Sadie Bolos, The Bolos Academy, Christina Pitts and Colleen Carnell, Pitts-Aldrich & Associates and Anna Russo, Success Strategies. Thursday, Oct. 8, 7 to 9 p.m. Barnes Early Childhood Center 20090 Morningside, Grosse Pointe Woods No Fee. Register by Oct. 1 @ 313.432.3832

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit familycenterweb.org. Email questions to info@familycenterweb.org.

To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.

The Family Center 20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

The Phoenix Challenge: Rising to Fulfillment

By Christina Pitts, President - PITTS-ALDRICH ASSOCIATES

Last Summer I was invited to write a chapter for Discover Your Inner Strength with notable contributors including Stephen Covey and Ken Blanchard. Immediately what came to mind was the image of a Phoenix rising, and I knew I would write about embracing challenge as opportunity for personal growth.

As many of us know, the Phoenix is a mythological bird that descends into a fire of its own making, and in the throes of death is reborn, transforming into a new and more powerful, more beautiful magnificence. In Chinese mythology, the Phoenix represents virtue, power, and prosperity; in some myths, the Firebird's tears heal all wounds.

The myth of the Phoenix teaches us that at times of challenge we must consciously and intentionally descend to the depths, enduring the chaos, confusion, pain, in order to ascend as someone stronger. The learning, while we're descending into our inner selves, yields enlightenment, so that when opportunity knocks, we're there to open the door to an enriched outcome.

I encourage us to embrace challenge as a constructive force enabling us to become stronger. If we choose to meet challenge head-on and determine to accept it with grace --to understand and learn from the process-- the yield will be bountiful: greater wisdom, new vigor to generate desirable outcomes, renewed sense of achievement and accomplishment, rediscovered pride in personal competence.

I invite you now to think about something challenging you. Ask yourself: "Am I willing to devote time, effort, energy to create a positive outcome?" If so, you're taking the first step toward embracing challenge. And you can learn more immediately by attending The Family Center's Ask the Experts event this evening, October 8, 7 to 9 p.m. at Barnes Elementary School.

Look for my next column on The Phoenix Challenge. Meanwhile, consider this from the Japanese poet, Masahide: "The barn has burned to the ground. Now I can see the moon."

Christina Pitts is a Consultant to businesses and nonprofits, as well as an Executive and Personal Coach & Mentor. Her background as an Educator, Business Executive, Lawyer and Volunteer; as a Motivational Trainer; as an Organ Donor; and as a Poet, Novelist and Speaker bring a colorful mosaic of experience to her engagements. Contact Christina @ 313.881.3433; christina@pittsaldrichassociates.com, or visit www.pittsaldrichassociates.com.

Save the Date:
Eliminate Stress at Home and in Your Life
An Evening of Information & Inspiration featuring: Sadie Bolos, The Bolos Academy, Christina Pitts and Colleen Carnell, Pitts-Aldrich & Associates and Anna Russo, Success Strategies.
Thursday, Oct. 8, 7 to 9 p.m.
Barnes Early Childhood Center
20090 Morningside, Grosse Pointe Woods
No Fee. Register by Oct. 1 @ 313.432.3832

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Are You Parenting Positively?

Ask The Experts by Anna Russo, NLP Trainer, Author, and Life Coach

Parenting can often seem so overwhelming; that we want to turn to experts for advice and just follow "good rules of parenting". Most parents want to have a deep connection with their children. Some succeed, some don't. What makes the difference? How would you like to find out?

Step into this scene: Family members showing love and cooperation to each other! All are listening, respecting, and responding to each other's requests! Everyone feeling content because they belong to our "special family". Sounds and feels wonderful, doesn't it?

What is stopping you from creating this family portrait? Perhaps you have been "trying" to solve kid problems as they occur by focusing on what you don't want and getting short-term relief instead of establishing an outcome.

Are you aware that every behavior is trying to fulfill a need? For example, ignoring homework leaves more time to play. Do you know what your child is trying to fulfill when he/she is misbehaving? Here are some tips to help you.

1. First interrupt, limit or stop the unwanted behavior - as quickly and as calmly as possible.
2. Find the positive intention of the unwanted behavior. Ask the question, "What is it that you are trying to do?" "What is it that you really want?"
3. Agree with or acknowledge the child's positive intention. "It's important to protect your things and-"
4. Help the child find other ways to achieve his positive intention. "How else could you accomplish that?" With young children, it can be useful to make suggestions for the child to consider. (For example, "After you clean your room, we don't have to discuss it anymore.")

Some parents believe that the children should know that they are loved. In those families the only time they address the kids is when they don't like their behavior. If we only address unwanted behavior, children gradually learn to think of themselves as "mean", "bad", or "unloved". Conflict starts between kids and parents. They feel criticized and unaccepted; the result is either withdrawal or rebellion. In contrast, using the four steps mentioned above enables you to help the child identify her positive intention and find another solution.

The long-term effects of parenting positively are:

• The child thinks of themselves as having good intentions, in contrast to being "aggressive" or "bad". This adds to a positive self-esteem.
• The child eventually will come to think of other children in the same way - even when they do things that he/she does not like, they realize that there is a good intention.
• The child learns to automatically think of alternative solutions and use their creative resources whenever there is a problem to be solved.

Many of the methods are useful in changing difficulties after they have begun. It is also possible to utilize the same principles to help children get a good start in life. Try applying these ideas as a first step to parenting positively.

Anna Russo is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Trainer, Author and Life Coach. Russo has been successfully conducting workshops for parents and teachers for 19 years. NLP is the study of how the brain translates words into actions. It teaches us to detect the strategies that people use. Some strategies work, some do not. When one recognizes the strategies that they and others use, only then, are they able to change what doesn't work to ensure the desired outcome. For more information, Russo can be reached at 248-528-0753 or annaru@comcast.net or visit her website www.successstrategiesnlp.com.

Save the Date:
Eliminate Stress at Home and in Your Life
An Evening of Information & Inspiration featuring: Sadie Bolos, The Bolos Academy, Christina Pitts and Colleen Carnell, Pitts-Aldrich & Associates and Anna Russo, Success Strategies.
Thursday, Oct. 8, 7 to 9 p.m.
Barnes Early Childhood Center
20090 Morningside, Grosse Pointe Woods
No Fee. Register by Oct. 1 @ 313.432.3832

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit www.familycenterweb.org. Please email questions to info@familycenterweb.org.

To volunteer or contribute, visit www.familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.

The Family Center 20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236