New "Ask the Experts" Articles from FamilyCenterWeb.org

Helping Your Child Manage Anxiety

ASK THE EXPERT: Susan Fell, LMSW

Q: Is anxiety normal?

A: Experiencing anxiety is a normal part of being a healthy person. Anxiety is our mind telling our body to "pay attention!" Children experience productive anxiety before they take a test, compete or when they are faced with a difficult decision. Successfully working through these moments helps children increase resiliency and stamina.

Destructive anxiety is excessive worry over things we cannot change. This type of anxiety can hinder a child's socialization, academic success and daily activities.

What are signs of destructive anxiety?

  • Physical complaints such as reoccurring headaches or stomachaches with no known medical cause.
  • Anger or irritability: Children may be overly argumentative, or cry or yell excessively. This may be a warning sign, especially if this behavior is unusual for your child.
  • Difficulty concentrating: Children may feel overwhelmed and have a tough time paying attention or staying organized.
  • Sleep disruption: Anxiety often impacts sleep. Children may refuse to get up in the morning, or complain that they are too tired to go to school. They may also report difficulty falling or staying asleep.
  • Isolating: Withdrawal from activities with friends or family.
  • Dangerous behavior: Substance use is often a choice of children experiencing destructive anxiety. While alcohol and marijuana are common drugs of choice, children also abuse prescription or over-the counter medication. Children may also try self-harming behaviors like cutting or restrictive eating.

How can I help my child if they are experiencing destructive anxiety?

  • Listen. Talk about their concerns, even if you believe they are minor. Let children know you understand. Don't minimize.
  • Educate yourself and your child about anxiety. Help your child understand that many people experience anxiety from time-to-time, and there are ways to manage it.
  • Rule out medical causes. Speak with your pediatrician to determine if a check-up is warranted.
  • Encourage your child to use stress relievers; physical activity, music, art, and other relaxation techniques.
  • Model good habits. Do you push yourself past your limit or have unrealistic expectations? Monitor your own stress level and use effective stress management strategies. Take time for fun. Remain calm when your child expresses worry.
  • Speak with your child's counselor, school psychologist or social worker if you need additional suggestions or support.
  • Persistent destructive anxiety can require professional intervention. Seek professional mental health support if anxiety persists or significantly interferes with daily activities.

Susan Fell is the school social worker at Brownell and Parcells Middle Schools. She received her Master's Degree in Social Work from Arizona State University and her School Social Work Certification from Wayne State. Susan attended Poupard, Parcells and graduated from Grosse Pointe North. She has worked in the Grosse Pointe School District for eleven years, and has facilitated parent education workshops, parent coffees and student educational groups. Susan was instrumental in the establishment of The Family Center of Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods and served on the Board of The Family Center for six years. She has also participated in the Grosse Pointe Youth Summit. Susan and JoEllen Cumpata, speech pathologist, have coauthored a social skills curriculum for children with Autism and other language and developmental delays.

Married for 29 years with two grown children, Susan understands the challenges and rewards of family life. She welcomes opportunities to brainstorm and problem-solve with parents and others interested in raising healthy, happy and productive. She can be reached at 313-432-3916 or susan.fell@gpschools.org.

SAVE THE DATE
"Parenting the Middle School Years: Guidance on Helping Students Make Successful Transitions"
Thurs. April 22, 2010 (7:00pm)
Presenters: Susan Fell, LMSW and Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW
Brownell Middle School Library, 260 Chalfonte, Grosse Pointe Farms
No Fee
RSVP by April 15 to help us plan seating@ 313.432.3832

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Collaborative Problem Solving: Reducing or Eliminating Meltdowns or Explosions

ASK THE EXPERT: Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW

Q: I think that my 7 yr old is capable of making some of her own decisions. How can I help her solve her own problems without having a meltdown or a behavioral "explosion"?

A: Helping your child become an active part in solving her own problems is one of the more important things that you can teach your daughter. The earlier in life that our children can begin to solve their own problems, the better are the chances of success in later life.


"Kids will do well if they can" is a belief that if a child is experiencing challenges, it is our job as parents, teachers, caretakers, along with the child, to figure out "what might be getting in the way". Many times, the "what might be getting in the way" is a thinking skill(s) that the child may be lacking or is underdeveloped.

An approach that has been evolving over the last few years suggests that there are three main ways adults can handle childhood challenges:

  1. "Plan A" is the classic "my way or the highway approach" or the adult imposing their will on the child. This includes rewards and consequences, timeouts, spanking and other means to get a child to comply. The biggest drawback with this approach is that children are not taught any skills other than to be compliant. For kids with more severe behavioral challenges, a "Plan A" approach leads to meltdowns and noncompliant behavior.
  2. "Plan C" is where we let go of our expectations of the child, which should remove stressors that contribute to behavioral challenge. Many parents know this as "choosing our battle". But what does this approach teach a child?
  3. "Plan B", in which the adult engages the child in a process of problem solving, is the crucial piece to Collaborative Problem Solving. The adult works to help the child to identify and express their specific concern. What then follows is to identify the adult's concern. Then the parent and child work together to identify mutually acceptable and realistic solutions. Engaging the child directly in this process indirectly helps the child develop skills that he/she is lacking. The process also strengthens the parent/child relationship by allowing the child to experience the adult as supportive vs. adversarial.

Using this approach, I have witnessed the empathy that can be built in parents and teachers when they adopt the "kids will do well if they can" belief. I have found great success in helping children become an active part in solving their own problems.

Collaborative Problem Solving: "Plan B" details

Q. I am attempting to engage my 6 year old son in solving his own problems to decrease the frequency of his 'meltdowns'. I've heard of an approach that includes children in the problem-solving process called Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS). In using this approach, what are the steps?

A. You are to be commended for wanting to get your son involved in beginning to solve his own problems! The skill(s) that you are teaching him will go a long way at ensuring his success later in life. Whether that is dealing with problems at school, successfully transitioning from elementary to middle (and later to high school), or managing conflict in his daily life, you are helping your son develop critical thinking skills.

Keep in mind the three ways that parents respond to their child's behavioral difficulties:

  1. Plan A: the adult imposes their will upon the child - many 'discipline' approaches utilize this plan (rewards & consequences, timeout, spanking, etc.)
  2. Plan B: the adult involves the child in the problem-solving process and work out the problem together to find a solution that is mutually acceptable
  3. Plan C: for whatever reason, the adult temporarily drops the behavioral expectation of the child and allows the child to have their way

Using Plan B consistently and proactively is what the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach is all about. Let's not wait until something happens and then use Plan B! CPS is not a 'quick fix' to a child's behavioral challenge.

The three steps in effectively using this Plan B are:

  1. Step 1: The adult verbalizes empathy towards the child. The most basic way to show empathy is to repeat your child's concern to him sticking closely to his own words.
  2. Step 2: Identifying the child's concern AND the adult's concern.
  3. Step 3: The adult and the child problem solving together (eg, "Let's work this out together so that we are both satisfied" or "Let's think about how we can work this out so we are both satisfied.")

I have had success using the strategy of collaborating with a child in solving his/her own problems. Used consistently and proactively over time, the adult models appropriate problem solving for the child. This approach has been shown to be effective with children of all ages.

Children will do good if they can - and if they are not, something is getting in the way. A benefit to using Collaborative Problem Solving is that the child is developing skills that overcome the 'something that is getting in the way'!

Ted Kasper is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals. He is a licensed social worker in Macomb County who is employed by Macomb County Community Mental Health as Training Coordinator. In his private practice, he provides counseling to children, adolescents, adults and families. He specializes in Behavior Analysis & Interventions; Parent Coaching, Mentoring and Support and "SuperNanny Services" (behavioral observation, action planning, and interventions). Contact him at 586.255.2259, tedkasper@comcast.net or visit www.familyactionplan.com for more details.

SAVE THE DATE
"Parenting the Middle School Years: Guidance on Helping Students Make Successful Transitions"
Thurs. April 22, 2010 (7:00pm)
Presenters: Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW and Susan Fell, LMSW
Brownell Middle School Library, 260 Chalfonte, Grosse Pointe Farms
No Fee
RSVP by April 15 to help us plan seating@ 313.432.3832

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Help Your Teen Build A Better Body Image

Ask the Experts: Melissa Mueller, DO

Q: My teenager spends an incessant amount of time getting dressed - she complains that everything makes her look fat, but she really is a normal weight. Is this typical teen behavior?

A. While your daughter's body may be healthy, what's not healthy is her body image - the way she sees herself - and how it affects her sense of worth. Many teens start to struggle with their body image as they begin puberty. As girls develop fuller hips and breasts, they may feel self-conscious and fat. As boys become gangly from a height-first growth spurt, they may try steroids or hormones to help their muscles catch up.

Teens with poor body images are more likely to try risky supplements and fad diets, develop eating disorders and exercise compulsively. Or, they may turn to alcohol and drugs to soothe their unhappiness.

The messages kids get from magazines, movies and television are part of the problem. Your teenager's ideal may be an impossible-to-achieve illusion of computer tricks and chemical enhancements. Here are some strategies:

  • Be media savvy. Explain how most media are created to sell, persuade or manipulate. Teach how to view and think about media critically. Talk about whether that waif model is really healthy.
  • Focus on health. Help your teen set goals of being strong, fit and vital. Plan healthy, nutritious family meals and encourage more physical activity. Explain how diets don't work because food deprivation causes the body to burn fuel more slowly. Discuss the hype and dangers surrounding many supplements.
  • Think about what you say. If you lament your own image in the mirror each morning or gush about how slim a friend looks, it reinforces the idea that a person's worth is defined by his or her body.
  • Talk to your teen's doctor. Seek help if your teen becomes obsessed with fixing his or her problem part or low self-esteem causes avoidance of social situations.
Dr. Melissa Mueller is a pediatrician at St. John Hospital and Medical Center who also practices at the St. John Children's Center. Call Health Connect at 866-501-DOCS to find a family doctor in your area. More information is available at www.stjohn.org/StJohnHospital/Specialties/Pediatrics/.

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Play in Early Childhood

Ask the Experts by Dana M. Alpern, Ph.D.


Q. Why is playing so important in early childhood?

A. Play is an essential component of growth and development for young children - enhancing their physical, cognitive, emotional and social skills. Though playfulness appears to be second nature for most children, play is actually highly complex, and is one of the earliest means by which we explore our environment and engage with others. A March 2009 report published by the Alliance for Childhood, a nonprofit partnership of educators, health professionals, and other advocates for children, identifies 12 key types of play, each of which helps children develop skills and promote growth. They are large motor; small motor, which develops dexterity; mastery, which involves repetitive actions such as tying shoes; rule-based, which encourages children to create their own rules and adapt them to group play; construction, which requires motor coordination and imagination; make-believe play; symbolic, which involves the transformation of an everyday object into a toy or game; language play, which includes songs, stories, and dramatic play; playing with the arts, which promotes creativity; sensory play, using materials with different textures, sounds, and smells; rough-and-tumble play, which helps children learn to be assertive but not aggressive; and risk-taking play, in which children learn to master challenges.

Q. Should young children have time to play in school?

A. Yes. We have all heard the adage "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy," and current developmental research proves this to be true. Children who "work hard at play "often excel in literacy and mathematics. They are also better adjusted socially and emotionally, display greater creativity and intellectual curiosity, have stronger communication skills and show greater initiative.

Q. What is a healthy balance between academic instruction and playtime in an early education classroom?

A. In the last decade many early education programs have increasingly focused on a narrow range of literacy and math skills geared toward meeting rigorous state guidelines and proficiency on standardized tests. Many students in kindergarten spend up to six times as much time on those skills and testing or test prep as they do in free play or "choice time." Many educational psychologists do not see this as a "healthy balance," and instead recommend classrooms richer in child-initiated play, along with teacher-guided learning that includes project-based experiential activities.

Dr. Dana Alpern is the Lower School Psychologist at University Liggett School. She can be reached at dalpern@uls.org or 313-884-4444. University Liggett School is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professonals.


The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.

To view all of our Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236