Ask The Experts: Kathy Rager, Executive Director, CARE
Q: My son, age 15, is way too involved with his girl friend. But unlike when I was a teen, most of their communication seems to be over cell phones. I must admit, I do not understand "texting" and now I just heard about "sexting." From what I understand teens are flirting by sending nude or semi-nude pictures to each other. I have also heard that it may be illegal. Aside from the moral issues involved, should I be concerned?
A: You should be concerned and while I tend to not be reactionary, this trend has some very serious implications. Media is increasingly reporting on the legal ramifications of sharing nude or almost nude pictures via technology. "Sexting" may be considered flirting by some young people. Other youth, and their parents, may consider it harassment and will report it to law enforcement. Senders, and in some cases receivers, can face prosecution for obscenity or child pornography.
Sexting
Does My Child Have an Attention Deficit Disorder?
Ask the Experts: Janet Reed, PhD, MHA
Q: What is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
A: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a developmentally inappropriate level of any combination of three hallmark symptoms, including inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.
ADHD can occur without hyperactivity (ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive Type); with hyperactivity and impulsivity (ADHD, Hyperactive-Impulsive Type); or with all three symptoms (ADHD, Combined Type). From a neuropsychological perspective, ADHD has been found to be related to delayed developmental and neurochemical processes in the frontal brain regions, affecting "executive" functions such as organizing, prioritizing, initiating, focused attention, sustained attention, rapid processing, working memory and recall, multi-tasking, and impulse control.
Those with ADHD may also experience significant anxiety disorders, tic disorders, and learning disabilities. The long-term impact can include low self-esteem, underachievement, poor interpersonal relationships, and depression. Approximately 50% of those with ADHD will outgrow it, while another 50% will continue to experience significant inattention and life disruption as a result.
Who can diagnose an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Medical professionals such as pediatricians, psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists, and neuropsychologists may diagnose an ADHD. Symptoms must be present and interfere with a patient's functioning in one or more settings, and it is important to evaluate for the presence of learning disabilities, emotional and behavioral difficulties, and neurodevelopmental disorders.
How are ADHDs treated?
ADHD has been found to be effectively treated with stimulant medication, behavioral therapy, and a combination of these approaches. Strategies for addressing problems with executive functioning are recommended; and there are commercially available computer-based intervention programs that have promising efficacy in improving working memory and attention.
Resources
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorders (ChADD)
http://www.chaddonline.org/
Dr. Russell Barkley
http://www.russellbarkley.org/
The ADHD Medication Guide is a resource for parents considering medication for their child with ADHD. See http://www.parentsmedguide.org/ParentGuide%20-%20English.pdf
Dr. Reed is a pediatric neuropsychologist and clinical child psychologist with over 20 years of experience and a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals. She is a Senior Staff Neuropsychologist at Henry Ford Behavioral Health Division of Neuropsychology and Director of Clinical Programs in the multidisciplinary Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities. She sees patients at four locations in Detroit and West Bloomfield. Dr. Reed can be reached at 313-876-2526. To learn more about services visit http://www.henryford.com/body.cfm?xyzpdqabc=0&id=47822&action=detail&ref=155 or just www.henryford.com.
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Expectant Mothers: Eat Healthy and Exercise for Healthy Babies
Ask the Experts: Anne Marie B. McCarren, M.D., chief, Obstetrical and Gynecological Services, Beaumont Hospital, Grosse Pointe
Q: My husband and I are thinking about having a child. I have always eaten poorly as weight has never been an issue for me. Eating healthy was never a priority - until now. Will my unhealthy eating and exercise habits affect my child?
A: You are smart to start thinking about good nutrition before you conceive. Now is the time to also kick up the exercise. A mother's health determines how healthy - and intelligent - the child will be. To help ensure a healthy child, women should give themselves at least six months to prepare.
Having a complete physical is at the top of the list. Many young women only see their gynecologist for birth control pills. The physical will indicate a clean bill of health or areas of concern that need to be addressed before conception. Simple blood tests will reveal conditions that could affect fertility, such as a problem with your thyroid. Your physician should also check your immunity to rubella and chicken pox as well so you don't have to worry about exposure during pregnancy. It is also the best time to check for Rhesus disease (an incompatibility of the mother and baby's blood) which can be easily treated during pregnancy.
You mentioned never having a problem with your weight. Are you sure you are a healthy weight? Just as being overweight may result in pregnancy problems, being underweight is just as risky. Birth defects such cleft palates can be influence when the mother is not of healthy weight. There is also a greater risk for diabetes and hypertension. If a woman is overweight (with a BMI greater than 25), losing just 5 percent of the excess weight makes an enormous difference in fertility and pregnancy outcomes.
If you smoke, stop! Babies born to mothers who smoke risk being born prematurely, with low birth weight and they have an increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome and asthma. Alcohol and drugs - even some over-the-counter type medication and vitamins - should be discontinued. Consult with your physician to determine which medications you should stop taking and what vitamins you should start taking.
Your physician may also recommend taking vitamins with folic acid. The March of Dimes reports that the risk of brain and spinal cord defects are reduced by as much as 50 to 70 percent when the mother is taking a daily dose of 400 micrograms of folic acid.
Taking six months to a year to prepare for your new baby is the best route to take. It gives you and your physician time to prepare and treat conditions that may have an adverse affect on your baby.
For more information contact: Anne Marie B. McCarren, M.D., chief, Obstetrical and Gynecological Services, Beaumont Hospital, Grosse Pointe. She can be reached at 586-771-4780. Beaumont Hospitals is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals.
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Teaching to Share through Tea Time
ASK THE EXPERT: Gabriela Boddy, party planner and etiquette enthusiast
Q: My 7 year old daughter has been talking about having a tea party but I don't know where to start or if she is old enough for it?
A: Your daughter is at the perfect age! Make it a fun, learning experience for both her and her friends. It's also a great way to let them use their creativity and introduce etiquette into their young lives. The time together in preparing for and hosting a tea party relies on many skills, writing, socialization, decorating and baking, etc.
Little girls and children in general find the tea party experience magical and they are never too young to enjoy it. There is something marvelous about getting dressed up and being fancy. To start their interest in hosting gatherings with friends or grandma I encourage you to start a tea party box. A place where they can keep a couple of napkins, some paper for simple invitations or cards, a couple of tea cups and saucers and some tea bags. That's it, ready for tea with a favorite doll or teddy bear!
There are many reasons why a tea party is magical. Tea soothes and relaxes the body and it is a great thing to share with close friends and loved ones. It's also a great way to celebrate a birthday or other special occasion.
The interest for tea started in China. Legend has it that a Chinese emperor was the first to drink a cup of tea more than five thousand years ago when dried leaves from a bush fell into water that his servants were boiling at his requests. This is probably also a reason why the origin of tea has had regal attachments. It continued to get shared through the world in different ways up until that little bag full of infusions that at the moment of being dipped in hot water releases the most wonderful tastes and aromas.
Having tea has turned into a ritual and there are 5 main things to keep in mind when having a tea party for children while making it special but uncomplicated:
- Invitations: Tea parties are meant to have something personal attached to them, a handmade note or handwritten invitation works wonderful.
- China and napkins: Special things should be used, like a beautiful or favorite tea cup, napkin and tea pot.
- Decor: A nice small or big table should be decorated to please the occasion, flowers in a small vase, glass votive holders and place cards are exquisite options.
- Tea: Pick a flavor that is smooth and fruity.
- Bites: Accompany your tea with something delicious like tea sandwiches and scones
- When the tea is too hot, don't blow on it, wait until it cools down on its own
- Don't make clinking noises when stirring your tea
- If your tea is served with a saucer, pick up the saucer with the tea cup and hold it under while you drink.
- When you are done with your tea is done and you want more, put your spoon on the right side of your saucer. If you are done, leave the spoon in the cup.
SAVE THE DATE
ChariTea Bear's Tea Party
Sun. May 16, 2010 (2-4pm)
Grosse Pointe Farms Pier Park-Community Center, 350 Lake Shore Road, Grosse Pointe Farms
Party Fee: $25 per child (which includes a new 15" plush animal, costume and t-shirt), $20 per adult. Children and adults will enjoy a dress up Tea Party with 'tea' refreshments.
Info: call 313.432.3832 or visit www.familycenterweb.org to learn more about ChariTea Bear's Tea Party and download an invitation flier.
RSVP by May 7
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Cyber Bullying
Ask The Experts: Kathy Rager, Executive Director, CARE
Q: My 10 year old child has been picked on by a group of kids at school. Now he is beginning to receive threatening emails. I have been told to have my child handle it but he is scared and does not seem to have the skills necessary to address what is becoming a more serious issue. Help!
A: When I started teaching parenting classes 22 years ago, it was common for parents to share stories of their children getting "picked on" at school. My advice was the classic, "tell your children, sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me." Boy was I wrong. Words, and they have gotten meaner do hurt, and words often lead to physical abuse.
Of particular concern in this new age of technology is cyber bullying. I have heard of it but never dreamed that it could really happen to my wonderful 13 year old granddaughter. "Suzie," she doesn't want her real name used, has been plagued by two girls who, for a period of over six months, followed her in the hallways, name mean remarks about her appearance and, recently, pushed her against the locker. In tears, Suzie shared, once again, with her mother that she did not want to go to school. Mom decided it was time to intervene. After discussing the situation with the principal, one of the girls was expelled for five days. Soon after, Suzie began receiving vulgar e mails threatening her with violence. It can also be noted that the bully was back in school before the five days expulsion expired.
When discussing the situation with a friend, she shared that her niece had to change schools because of the ongoing bullying. What can a parent do?
i-Parent Times states that 32% of high school students and 17% of students grades 5-8 admit to having said mean or hurtful things on the internet. It is not enough to say that parents need to stop their children from bullying. This is a great thought but unrealistic. Unfortunately, some parents do not believe that their children would involve themselves in such behavior and some parents are bullies themselves. That being said, some parents will interview but they may be few and far apart.
i-Parent Times gives the following suggestions for those that receive bullying messages through e mails or other social media sites:
- Don't erase the messages or images. Save them in a folder. They may be need for taking legal action.
- If bullying has occurred at school, report the emails to them. Most schools have a bullying plan in place.
- Make a police report if the messages threaten safety.
- Block a bully. If the bully is attacking through instant messaging, the person can be blocked.
- Don't open messages from someone that you know is a bully.
Read more on cyber bullying at www.isafe.org/internetsafetymonth.
Kathy Rager, Executive Director at Community Assessment Referral & Education (CARE) and parent educator has provided advice on raising competent, capable children for the last 24 years. Her advice is based on a formal education, experience with highly stressed families and raising her own three children. She can be reached at 586.541.0033, krager@careofmacomb.com. CARE is located at 21012 Mack Ave, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236. You can learn more about healthy parenting by visiting CARE's web site at www.careofmacomb.com or call the CARE office at 586.541.0033.
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders
Ask The Experts: Shelly Bania, FASD Prevention Specialist/Program Coordinator, CARE
Q: "The school psychologist is encouraging me to have my child screened for FASD - Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders - as part of their overall assessment? I've never heard of FASD. What does an FASD screen look like and what does this mean for my daughter? I mean, I did drink before I knew I was pregnant - but my doctor said not to worry about it."
A: First, let me say, no mother wants to willfully harm her child. 50% of our pregnancies today are unplanned and for many people social drinking is a part of their everyday. However, we do know that any amount of alcohol does pose a risk to the developing fetus and can affect development in seemingly subtle ways. For example, does your child frequently melt-down during a routine trip to the grocery store?
She was fine before you walked through the doors, and now her behavior - screaming, kicking, grabbing - is puzzling, at best, and most likely leaves you feeling annoyed, embarrassed, and thinking she is behaving very poorly, even willfully so.
Her meltdown is not willful misbehavior if what's behind the behavior is really sensory integration issues due to prenatal alcohol exposure. Learning this leads may lead to understanding the behavior and responding to it in a very different way. She's melting down because the lights are bright, the smells are VERY strong, and the noise is too much for her to process all at once. Her brain is on "sensory overload", but she doesn't know it and can't express that to you.
Having your child screened for a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is just that - a screen. It consists of a conversation, reviewing medical records, and analyzing a digital photo of your child's face. It can and does play a significant role in having a comprehensive assessment of your child and can lead to learning more about how she thinks, acts, and learns.
A positive screen is not a diagnosis. The next step would be a referral for a comprehensive diagnostic evaluation. FASD staff can assist you in every action step along the way - providing education and support, as well as some financial assistance.
Including an FASD screen as part of a comprehensive Early-On or IEP pre-evaluation is an opportunity to address any concerns early, rather than later. Research shows that early intervention, supports, and services, goes a long way in an individual's success in living with an FASD.
Shelly Bania is the FASD program coordinator and project director for FASD ACHIEVE, part of a national initiative through SAMHSA FASD Center for Excellence to provide early FASD diagnosis and intervention, at CARE (Community Assessment Referral & Education) of Fraser & Grosse Pointe Woods. Contact CARE at 586.541.0033 for more information about FASD, screening, and services. Visit their Website @ careofmacomb.com.
SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers
Tues. May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Are Your Kids at Risk? - A Local Resource
Ask The Expert: Lynda Zott, BSW, CPC-M
Q: A friend of my son is in trouble with the law over drug use and has been sent to a youth diversion program in our community. What is this program?
A: Youth Assistance Services (YAS) offered by CARE (Community Assessment Referral and Education) has served the families in Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods since 1991. The Youth Assistance Program for males and females ages 9 to 16 years and the Young Adult Diversion Program for males and females ages 17 to 20 years acts as a diversion to help prevent juvenile delinquency and is designed to address status offenses such as curfew violations, retail fraud, minor in possession of alcohol or other drugs, destruction of property, etc. It offers those who have committed first time offenses an alternative to the Wayne County Juvenile Court.
Local police departments, families and courts refer young people to this program. Services are voluntary and confidential. There is a fee. Components of the programs include work service, mentoring, adolescent group interaction and parenting workshops. A comprehensive psychosocial assessment can be completed and referrals made to counselors and other local programs. There are stringent requirements before a client can be successfully discharged from the program. CARE is continually evaluating and enhancing present and future programs to better service the need of the Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods communities.
Q: What kinds of drug problems are you seeing in the young people who are referred to you?
A. When I ask teens to name the biggest problem facing young people today, drug use leads the list. Consistently, drug use is identified as being among the top problems confronting the nation's schools and communities. Many adults don't recognize the degree to which our own children, schools, and communities are at risk. One can easily see the correlation between concerns such as; school failure, pregnancy, violence, neglect, sexual abuse, depression, family and cultural issues, and suicidal ideations or completions.
According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, nearly 1 in 10 high school seniors admit to abusing powerful prescription painkillers. A shocking 40 percent of teens and an almost equal number of their parents think abusing prescription painkillers is safer than abusing "street" drugs. The National Institute of Drug Abuse Research Report classifies several medications that are commonly abused.
The most common medications are
1. opioids which are usually prescribed to treat pain,
2. central nervous system depressants used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders, and
3. stimulants which are used to treat sleep disorders and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.
The increasing purity of heroin makes snorting/inhaling a realistic alternative to injecting and may be contributing to reported increases in hospital emergency department visits. Also, the street value of heroin is significantly lower than the unlawful sale of prescription drugs.
CARE's programs are prevention oriented. With our diversion programs, teens have a much better chance of successfully completing their high school years and developing into strong, independent and healthy adults.
Lynda M. Zott is the Student Assistance Coordinator for CARE (Community Assessment Referral & Education) with a local office located at 21012 Mack Avenue in Grosse Ponte Woods. Lynda can be reached at 313-332-0972 or 586-218-5271 or lzott@careofmacomb.com.
SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers
Tuesday May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org.
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
What You Don't Know Can Hurt Them! From Jail Cells to Brain Cells: Teens and Substance Use Disorders in the New Millenium
Ask The Expert: Mark Menestrina, MD, Brighton Hospital
Q: Is teen alcohol and drug use really a problem?
A: Teens are especially vulnerable to alcohol and other drugs. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive decisions and judgment, is not fully developed until a person is in their twenties. Early use of substances is predictive of subsequent Substance Use Disorders. In addition, when teens use substances, the results can be especially tragic. Barbara Madras, of the Office of Drug Control Policy, has said, it is no longer a war on drugs, rather, a defense of our young peoples' brains!
While teens usually overestimate drug and alcohol use among their peers, parents almost always underestimate such use. While some risk factors for teen substance use, such as family history, are not modifiable, others can be. Parental attitude also plays a critical role in protecting our youth. Parents need to be informed and involved. A recent non-scientific social networking survey of teens and alcohol use revealed that 91% of young people who drank felt they got away with it because they considered their parents "clueless"!
Times have changed! You may be clueless yourself if you think "Gateway" is only a computer company or if you consider "Designers" just expensive jeans. If you think a "Pharm Party" is a rural recreational activity involving tractors you may be under informed. And "Robo-Tripping" is not what R2D2 did in Star Wars.
- "Gateway Drug" is the first illicit substance a young person uses. Since 2005, that is most likely to be prescription drugs, especially pain medications.
- "Designer Drugs" are changes made to controlled substances in an attempt to make them not illegal.
- "Pharm Parties" involve teens bringing medications to a party to put in a candy bowl for all to use.
- "Robo-Tripping" is abuse of over-the-counter dextromethorphan (as in Robitussin).
Get informed, seek advice and counseling when needed, and always know it's not just someone else's kids who may have problems. It can happen to anyone! Lastly, if your teen may be using substances, you are not alone!
Dr. Mark Menestrina is the Medical Director of the detox unit at Brighton Hospital and the Medical Director of the Southeast Michigan Community Alliance. He is a board member of the Livionia Save Our Youth Task Force as well as Building Better Families Through Action. He is Board Certified in Family Practice and certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Dr. Menestrina is a frequent presenter at schools, public events and media presentations. He can be reached at (734) 421-7997 or mmenestrina@brightonhospital.org.
SAVE THE DATE
Are Your Kids at Risk? Unexpected Dangers
Tuesday May 11, 2010 (7pm)
Presenters: Mark Menestrina MD, Gary Wilson and Randall Cain, Attorneys at Law and Lynda Zott, CARE Youth Assistance Program
St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods, next to Parcells School)
No fee. RSVP by May 4 at 313.432.3832
More info about the event...
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Helping Your Child Manage Anxiety
ASK THE EXPERT: Susan Fell, LMSW
Q: Is anxiety normal?
A: Experiencing anxiety is a normal part of being a healthy person. Anxiety is our mind telling our body to "pay attention!" Children experience productive anxiety before they take a test, compete or when they are faced with a difficult decision. Successfully working through these moments helps children increase resiliency and stamina.
Destructive anxiety is excessive worry over things we cannot change. This type of anxiety can hinder a child's socialization, academic success and daily activities.
What are signs of destructive anxiety?
- Physical complaints such as reoccurring headaches or stomachaches with no known medical cause.
- Anger or irritability: Children may be overly argumentative, or cry or yell excessively. This may be a warning sign, especially if this behavior is unusual for your child.
- Difficulty concentrating: Children may feel overwhelmed and have a tough time paying attention or staying organized.
- Sleep disruption: Anxiety often impacts sleep. Children may refuse to get up in the morning, or complain that they are too tired to go to school. They may also report difficulty falling or staying asleep.
- Isolating: Withdrawal from activities with friends or family.
- Dangerous behavior: Substance use is often a choice of children experiencing destructive anxiety. While alcohol and marijuana are common drugs of choice, children also abuse prescription or over-the counter medication. Children may also try self-harming behaviors like cutting or restrictive eating.
How can I help my child if they are experiencing destructive anxiety?
- Listen. Talk about their concerns, even if you believe they are minor. Let children know you understand. Don't minimize.
- Educate yourself and your child about anxiety. Help your child understand that many people experience anxiety from time-to-time, and there are ways to manage it.
- Rule out medical causes. Speak with your pediatrician to determine if a check-up is warranted.
- Encourage your child to use stress relievers; physical activity, music, art, and other relaxation techniques.
- Model good habits. Do you push yourself past your limit or have unrealistic expectations? Monitor your own stress level and use effective stress management strategies. Take time for fun. Remain calm when your child expresses worry.
- Speak with your child's counselor, school psychologist or social worker if you need additional suggestions or support.
- Persistent destructive anxiety can require professional intervention. Seek professional mental health support if anxiety persists or significantly interferes with daily activities.
Susan Fell is the school social worker at Brownell and Parcells Middle Schools. She received her Master's Degree in Social Work from Arizona State University and her School Social Work Certification from Wayne State. Susan attended Poupard, Parcells and graduated from Grosse Pointe North. She has worked in the Grosse Pointe School District for eleven years, and has facilitated parent education workshops, parent coffees and student educational groups. Susan was instrumental in the establishment of The Family Center of Grosse Pointe and Harper Woods and served on the Board of The Family Center for six years. She has also participated in the Grosse Pointe Youth Summit. Susan and JoEllen Cumpata, speech pathologist, have coauthored a social skills curriculum for children with Autism and other language and developmental delays.
Married for 29 years with two grown children, Susan understands the challenges and rewards of family life. She welcomes opportunities to brainstorm and problem-solve with parents and others interested in raising healthy, happy and productive. She can be reached at 313-432-3916 or susan.fell@gpschools.org.
SAVE THE DATE
"Parenting the Middle School Years: Guidance on Helping Students Make Successful Transitions"
Thurs. April 22, 2010 (7:00pm)
Presenters: Susan Fell, LMSW and Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW
Brownell Middle School Library, 260 Chalfonte, Grosse Pointe Farms
No Fee
RSVP by April 15 to help us plan seating@ 313.432.3832
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Collaborative Problem Solving: Reducing or Eliminating Meltdowns or Explosions
ASK THE EXPERT: Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW
Q: I think that my 7 yr old is capable of making some of her own decisions. How can I help her solve her own problems without having a meltdown or a behavioral "explosion"?
A: Helping your child become an active part in solving her own problems is one of the more important things that you can teach your daughter. The earlier in life that our children can begin to solve their own problems, the better are the chances of success in later life.
"Kids will do well if they can" is a belief that if a child is experiencing challenges, it is our job as parents, teachers, caretakers, along with the child, to figure out "what might be getting in the way". Many times, the "what might be getting in the way" is a thinking skill(s) that the child may be lacking or is underdeveloped.
An approach that has been evolving over the last few years suggests that there are three main ways adults can handle childhood challenges:
- "Plan A" is the classic "my way or the highway approach" or the adult imposing their will on the child. This includes rewards and consequences, timeouts, spanking and other means to get a child to comply. The biggest drawback with this approach is that children are not taught any skills other than to be compliant. For kids with more severe behavioral challenges, a "Plan A" approach leads to meltdowns and noncompliant behavior.
- "Plan C" is where we let go of our expectations of the child, which should remove stressors that contribute to behavioral challenge. Many parents know this as "choosing our battle". But what does this approach teach a child?
- "Plan B", in which the adult engages the child in a process of problem solving, is the crucial piece to Collaborative Problem Solving. The adult works to help the child to identify and express their specific concern. What then follows is to identify the adult's concern. Then the parent and child work together to identify mutually acceptable and realistic solutions. Engaging the child directly in this process indirectly helps the child develop skills that he/she is lacking. The process also strengthens the parent/child relationship by allowing the child to experience the adult as supportive vs. adversarial.
Using this approach, I have witnessed the empathy that can be built in parents and teachers when they adopt the "kids will do well if they can" belief. I have found great success in helping children become an active part in solving their own problems.
Collaborative Problem Solving: "Plan B" details
Q. I am attempting to engage my 6 year old son in solving his own problems to decrease the frequency of his 'meltdowns'. I've heard of an approach that includes children in the problem-solving process called Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS). In using this approach, what are the steps?
A. You are to be commended for wanting to get your son involved in beginning to solve his own problems! The skill(s) that you are teaching him will go a long way at ensuring his success later in life. Whether that is dealing with problems at school, successfully transitioning from elementary to middle (and later to high school), or managing conflict in his daily life, you are helping your son develop critical thinking skills.
Keep in mind the three ways that parents respond to their child's behavioral difficulties:
- Plan A: the adult imposes their will upon the child - many 'discipline' approaches utilize this plan (rewards & consequences, timeout, spanking, etc.)
- Plan B: the adult involves the child in the problem-solving process and work out the problem together to find a solution that is mutually acceptable
- Plan C: for whatever reason, the adult temporarily drops the behavioral expectation of the child and allows the child to have their way
Using Plan B consistently and proactively is what the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach is all about. Let's not wait until something happens and then use Plan B! CPS is not a 'quick fix' to a child's behavioral challenge.
The three steps in effectively using this Plan B are:
- Step 1: The adult verbalizes empathy towards the child. The most basic way to show empathy is to repeat your child's concern to him sticking closely to his own words.
- Step 2: Identifying the child's concern AND the adult's concern.
- Step 3: The adult and the child problem solving together (eg, "Let's work this out together so that we are both satisfied" or "Let's think about how we can work this out so we are both satisfied.")
I have had success using the strategy of collaborating with a child in solving his/her own problems. Used consistently and proactively over time, the adult models appropriate problem solving for the child. This approach has been shown to be effective with children of all ages.
Children will do good if they can - and if they are not, something is getting in the way. A benefit to using Collaborative Problem Solving is that the child is developing skills that overcome the 'something that is getting in the way'!
Ted Kasper is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals. He is a licensed social worker in Macomb County who is employed by Macomb County Community Mental Health as Training Coordinator. In his private practice, he provides counseling to children, adolescents, adults and families. He specializes in Behavior Analysis & Interventions; Parent Coaching, Mentoring and Support and "SuperNanny Services" (behavioral observation, action planning, and interventions). Contact him at 586.255.2259, tedkasper@comcast.net or visit www.familyactionplan.com for more details.
SAVE THE DATE
"Parenting the Middle School Years: Guidance on Helping Students Make Successful Transitions"
Thurs. April 22, 2010 (7:00pm)
Presenters: Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW and Susan Fell, LMSW
Brownell Middle School Library, 260 Chalfonte, Grosse Pointe Farms
No Fee
RSVP by April 15 to help us plan seating@ 313.432.3832
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Help Your Teen Build A Better Body Image
Ask the Experts: Melissa Mueller, DO
Q: My teenager spends an incessant amount of time getting dressed - she complains that everything makes her look fat, but she really is a normal weight. Is this typical teen behavior?
A. While your daughter's body may be healthy, what's not healthy is her body image - the way she sees herself - and how it affects her sense of worth. Many teens start to struggle with their body image as they begin puberty. As girls develop fuller hips and breasts, they may feel self-conscious and fat. As boys become gangly from a height-first growth spurt, they may try steroids or hormones to help their muscles catch up.
Teens with poor body images are more likely to try risky supplements and fad diets, develop eating disorders and exercise compulsively. Or, they may turn to alcohol and drugs to soothe their unhappiness.
The messages kids get from magazines, movies and television are part of the problem. Your teenager's ideal may be an impossible-to-achieve illusion of computer tricks and chemical enhancements. Here are some strategies:
- Be media savvy. Explain how most media are created to sell, persuade or manipulate. Teach how to view and think about media critically. Talk about whether that waif model is really healthy.
- Focus on health. Help your teen set goals of being strong, fit and vital. Plan healthy, nutritious family meals and encourage more physical activity. Explain how diets don't work because food deprivation causes the body to burn fuel more slowly. Discuss the hype and dangers surrounding many supplements.
- Think about what you say. If you lament your own image in the mirror each morning or gush about how slim a friend looks, it reinforces the idea that a person's worth is defined by his or her body.
- Talk to your teen's doctor. Seek help if your teen becomes obsessed with fixing his or her problem part or low self-esteem causes avoidance of social situations.
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236
Play in Early Childhood
Ask the Experts by Dana M. Alpern, Ph.D.
Q. Why is playing so important in early childhood?
A. Play is an essential component of growth and development for young children - enhancing their physical, cognitive, emotional and social skills. Though playfulness appears to be second nature for most children, play is actually highly complex, and is one of the earliest means by which we explore our environment and engage with others. A March 2009 report published by the Alliance for Childhood, a nonprofit partnership of educators, health professionals, and other advocates for children, identifies 12 key types of play, each of which helps children develop skills and promote growth. They are large motor; small motor, which develops dexterity; mastery, which involves repetitive actions such as tying shoes; rule-based, which encourages children to create their own rules and adapt them to group play; construction, which requires motor coordination and imagination; make-believe play; symbolic, which involves the transformation of an everyday object into a toy or game; language play, which includes songs, stories, and dramatic play; playing with the arts, which promotes creativity; sensory play, using materials with different textures, sounds, and smells; rough-and-tumble play, which helps children learn to be assertive but not aggressive; and risk-taking play, in which children learn to master challenges.
Q. Should young children have time to play in school?
A. Yes. We have all heard the adage "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy," and current developmental research proves this to be true. Children who "work hard at play "often excel in literacy and mathematics. They are also better adjusted socially and emotionally, display greater creativity and intellectual curiosity, have stronger communication skills and show greater initiative.
Q. What is a healthy balance between academic instruction and playtime in an early education classroom?
A. In the last decade many early education programs have increasingly focused on a narrow range of literacy and math skills geared toward meeting rigorous state guidelines and proficiency on standardized tests. Many students in kindergarten spend up to six times as much time on those skills and testing or test prep as they do in free play or "choice time." Many educational psychologists do not see this as a "healthy balance," and instead recommend classrooms richer in child-initiated play, along with teacher-guided learning that includes project-based experiential activities.
Dr. Dana Alpern is the Lower School Psychologist at University Liggett School. She can be reached at dalpern@uls.org or 313-884-4444. University Liggett School is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professonals.
The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view all of our Ask The Experts articles, please visit our website www.familycenterweb.org.
Please email your questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236