Advice to Parents on Preventing Teen Alcohol and Drug Use

by Lori Egan Josephs

Q: As a parent of a teenager, what steps can I take to prevent them from wanting to start using alcohol and drugs?

A: The teen years are such an influential time of a person's life. Almost every kid will have to make a decision at some point on whether to try alcohol or drugs. When you look at the facts and trends still taking place with teenage drinking, you can not ignore this major health issue.

According to the CDC; "Alcohol is the most commonly used and abused drug among youth in the United States, more than tobacco and illicit drugs. Although drinking by persons under the age of 21 is illegal, people aged 12 to 20 years drink 11% of all alcohol consumed in the United States."

When it comes to underage drinking, you must be proactive, not reactive. You need to set the stage long before your kids will be in a position to say no to drinking or drugs. Here are some things you can do to help give your kids the best defense against drinking:

1. Start the conversation about alcohol and drugs early - Do not wait until they are a teen.
2. Be a healthy example - Kids will look at your own behavior when it comes to drinking or attitude towards drinking.
3. Educate them on the consequences of underage drinking - Don't just tell them they can not drink, back it up with facts, along with the legal problems.
4. Provide them with healthy alternatives to drinking - Sports, arts, or any activity they love that will give them an outlet and make them feel good about themselves. Lack of self-esteem plays a role in why kids drink.
5. Give them consistency - Kids need and actually want structure, rules and discipline.
6. Know your kids friends, as well as their parents - Teens who drink, drink with their friends. Make sure you know as much as you can about their friends and get to know their parents.
7. Offer them a solid family foundation - Whatever your family situation is, make your kids feel safe and secure.
8. Explain the disease of alcoholism - Let your kids know the facts about alcoholism. Specially, if it runs in your family, and what makes an alcoholic different from a normal drinker.

Unfortunately, there is no 100% way to guarantee your kid will never have a drink or drug during their teenage years. But it has been proven that doing nothing, is a bad strategy; taking action and being a strong force in your child's life will make a difference.

There are many resources available today for parents and teenagers; giving answers and resources to their questions on underage drinking and drug use. As a parent you must set a good example for your own kids. Do not assume that it is other people's problem or that your child is immune to the pressures of drinking.

BOTTOM LINE: Be the parent and make the tough decisions for the well-being of your kid. Be consistent with your rules when it comes to underage drinking, and be a healthy role model.

Lori Josephs is an expert on the disease of alcoholism. From her own experience as a recovering alcoholic; she hopes to teach kids on how to make better choices. For over 12 years, she has been speaking on her experiences to treatment centers, private counseling groups and students. She has a B.S. in Health Care Services and is the founder of "The Center for Successful Living." She is a certified relationship coach; and a member of the speaker's bureau at Brighton Hospital. She serves as an alumni contact for The Betty Ford Center for Southeastern Michigan. Contact her at (248-529-3375),
email: info@thecenterforsuccessfulliving.com or visit www.thecenterforsuccessfulliving.com for more details.

Save The Date for this valuable presentation offered by The Family Center:
Are Your Kids at Risk? Teen Alcohol and Drug Trends
Tuesday, September 29, 2009, 7pm - No Fee
Location: Yeoman Hall, St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods)
RSVP: 313.432.3832 or info@familycenterweb.org
Go to www.familycenterweb.org to learn more or print the flyer.

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit www.familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Adolescent Alcohol and Substance Use

by Marquita Bedway, Ph.D. & Kara Brooklier, Ph.D.

Q. Is there an adolescent alcohol and substance use problem in our community?

A. Yes, teen alcohol and substance use is a national problem that, unfortunately, impacts our community. Many local professionals express concern about high risk alcohol and substance use behaviors in our youth. Frequently, teens disclose that they and their friends consume large quantities of alcohol every weekend. Some also report having easy access to prescription medications and illegal drugs. The messages we often hear are that "everyone is doing it" and "it is not a big deal."

However, we have strong data that it is a big deal. Alcohol damages the frontal area of the teen brain, the part of the brain that helps them to control impulses and think about consequences. The damage is most severe in cases of binge drinking (four or more drinks), which is the typical drinking pattern for adolescents. Alcohol and substance use are also associated with increases in sexual and physical victimization, suicide, and medical complications (i.e., alcohol poisoning).

This issue is further complicated by our inability to predict who is at risk of addiction. The data converge that: earlier use is associated with an increased likelihood of subsequent problems, including addiction; availability of alcohol and drugs is a key factor in frequency of use; and; heredity makes one more vulnerable to addiction. Both environment and genetics are involved in adolescent development. We cannot control our children's genes . However, there are ways to address these concerns as a community and collectively we have a responsibility to our teens.

First, do not accept that "everyone is doing it." This is inaccurate and conveys that we believe their use is acceptable, which may result in increased use as teens try to "push the limits." Have discussions about the dangers of binge drinking and substance use. Further, make substances more difficult to obtain, increase supervision, and provide outlets for fun that do not involve alcohol or substances. Finally, we can model for our teens that mind and mood altering substances are not necessary to have a good time.

To learn more, go to http://www.niaaa.nih.gov, or http//www.nida.nih.gov.

Marquita Bedway, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist who practices in Grosse Pointe. She is an adjunct faculty member in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neurosciences at Wayne State University.

Kara Brooklier, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist who practices in the Grosse Pointe and Rochester Hills communities. She is the Director of Autism Training at Children's Hospital of Michigan.

Both are also affiliated with Wayne State University / Children's Hospital of Michigan and can be reached at 313.640.8765.

Save The Date for this valuable presentation offered by The Family Center:
Are Your Kids at Risk? Teen Alcohol and Drug Trends
Tuesday, September 29, 2009, 7pm - No Fee
Location: Yeoman Hall, St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods)
RSVP: 313.432.3832 or info@familycenterweb.org

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit www.familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Can I Search My Teen's Room for Drugs?

by Detective/Lieutenant Jim Smith

Q. My 16 year old son's behavior has recently changed. He has been having trouble at school, is violating the curfew that we have set, and running around with a new set of friends. I found an empty prescription container with the label ripped off. I think that he is abusing prescription drugs. As a parent can I search his bedroom?

A. All of your observations about your son are red flags that he may be involved with drugs. Many teens exhibit signs of rebellion but having the three or four significant signs that you have described should put you on alert that drugs could be involved. Other possible indicators of drug use could be your son becoming hostile toward you, is uncooperative with other family members, and losing interest in activities that he used to enjoy.

As far as searching his room - go right ahead. Your son does not have any right to object to your search. Your rights as a parent are superior to the rights of the children that live in the house.

Many parents might question searching a room if their son/daughter is older, such as twenty two years old (or) they are paying rent / room and board. The answer is the same. Go ahead and search, especially if the parent is involved with such things as cleaning their room or doing the laundry, which requires entering the room.

Searching the room may lead you to other questions such as "What if I find something?"

If you find suspected drugs, contraband, or paraphernalia you have some options to explore. The hard line approach would be calling the police and pursuing a possible criminal charge. Under the above circumstances any evidence turned over to the police would likely be admissible in court.

If criminal charges were pursued the parent(s) can work with the court to order their son into treatment or address the problem through other means rather than face criminal charges.

You could also withhold calling the police and convince your son to cooperate with a private drug intervention of your own choosing. If you choose this option it is very important to follow up with calling the police if your son does not cooperate. If you do not follow through your credibility will suffer.

You can also exercise punishment within the household by withholding privileges such as use of a car. This of course does not address the underling issues and is no guarantee that your son will change his behavior.

It is important to know that in cases where the parents are acting as an agent of a police officer, the search in all likelihood would be illegal.

Detective/Lieutenant Jim Smith is a 32 year veteran of the Grosse Pointe Park Police Department. He can be reached at 313-822-4439 or smithj@grossepointepark.org.

Save The Date for this valuable presentation offered by The Family Center:
Are Your Kids at Risk? Teen Alcohol and Drug Trends
Tuesday, September 29, 7pm – No Fee
Location: Yeoman Hall, St. Michael's Episcopal Church (20475 Sunningdale Park, Grosse Pointe Woods)
RSVP: 313.432.3832 or info@familycenterweb.org
Go to www.familycenterweb.org to learn more or print the flyer.

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals. To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit www.familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

Expressing Anger & Frustration Towards Our Children

Ask The Experts by Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW

Q: My 6 year old son often does things to anger me. I discipline him by yelling at him, taking things away (like his favorite toy or TV time), or grounding him. Lots of times I say things that I later wish that I hadn't said (or done). What is the best way to let him know that I'm angry and upset with him?

A: It's OK to be angry or frustrated with what he did /didn't do. By expressing your anger or frustration, you're identifying for your son what the expected outcome should've been. That doesn't necessarily mean to yell at him, threaten to or actually take things away or ground him.

Always remember that you are a role model and teacher to your child. He is looking to you to teach him how to respond when HE is angry or frustrated. In expressing anger or frustration, we have two options: stuff it or express it verbally. The problems with stuffing are:

1. your son fails to learn that what he did was not the best way to handle things,
2. you can only stuff for so long before you explode,
3. the inevitable explosion gives your son more reason to look at you than to look inwardly and be responsible for his behavior.

There is a way to express anger or frustration in a way that does not teach inappropriate ways of responding. It can be done in a way that does not "wound their spirit" and allows our kids to keep their dignity intact.

Perhaps you've heard the expression, "less is more"? We will remain calm and only use three sentences when expressing anger or frustration.

Sentence #1 is to describe the situation (in one sentence). Your sentence should speak only to the situation without referring to your son.
Sentence #2 will be to describe how you are feeling (in one sentence). Use "I statements". Instead of telling him how he made you feel, just tell him "I feel _____.
Sentence #3 will be to describe the outcome that we want. We do not tell him what to do (only are giving him a gentle reminder).

Using this 'less is more' consistently, while staying calm, will communicate your anger and model for your son his future responses. It also guarantees that your language shows the same amount of respect that you expect from your son.

Often in the "heat of the moment" it is difficult to remain calm. Think BRAIN:

B=Breathe. Breathe deeply five times. Our brains need oxygen to think clearly - and you
have just given yours a generous helping!
R=Relax. Tell yourself-either out loud or in your head-and your body will do that for you.
A=Ask yourself what you need to be feeling (HINT: calm & in control).
I=Imagine yourself feeling that way.
N=Now - are you feeling calmer?

When parents begin using the "less is more" way to express anger and/or frustration, what do you do if the child does not do what you have asked? Believe it or not, a child often will not do what the parent feels is the desired outcome!

Before doing anything (Remember: BRAIN!), ask yourself these questions (also known as
The Big 4):

1. Has what I am about to do really worked in the past?
2. Is what I am about to do respectful? Remember, you are role model - you are a teacher - your child is watching your response.
3. Does what I am about to do help me to become the parent that you have always wanted to be?
4. What does it teach your child?

I often recommend written reminders for parents who are having a difficult time remembering "less is more", BRAIN or the Big Four (or anything!).

Gentle one-word reminders (such as "CALM", "TEACHER", "3 SENTENCES", etc) on post-it notes in strategic locations throughout the house have proven to be very effective.

Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW is a licensed social worker in Macomb County. He provides counseling to children, adolescents, adults and families. He specializes in Behavior Analysis & Interventions; Parent Coaching, Mentoring and Support and "SuperNanny Services" (behavioral observation, action planning, and interventions). Contact him at 586.255.2259, email tedkasper@comcast.net or visit www.familyactionplan.com for more details.

View Ted Kasper's profile at The Family Center's Association of Professionals.

The Family Center, a 501(c) 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's centralized hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
To view more Ask The Experts articles, please visit www.familycenterweb.org.

Please email questions to info@familycenterweb.org
To volunteer or contribute, visit www.familycenterweb.org or call 313.432.3832.
20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236