Ask The Experts: Kathy Rager, Executive Director, CARE
Q: My 10 year old child has been picked on by a group of kids at school. Now he is beginning to receive threatening emails. I have been told to have my child handle it but he is scared and does not seem to have the skills necessary to address what is becoming a more serious issue. Help!
A: When I started teaching parenting classes 22 years ago, it was common for parents to share stories of their children getting "picked on" at school. My advice was the classic, "tell your children, sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me." Boy was I wrong. Words, and they have gotten meaner do hurt, and words often lead to physical abuse.
Of particular concern in this new age of technology is cyber bullying. I have heard of it but never dreamed that it could really happen to my wonderful 13 year old granddaughter. "Suzie," she doesn't want her real name used, has been plagued by two girls who, for a period of over six months, followed her in the hallways, name mean remarks about her appearance and, recently, pushed her against the locker. In tears, Suzie shared, once again, with her mother that she did not want to go to school. Mom decided it was time to intervene. After discussing the situation with the principal, one of the girls was expelled for five days. Soon after, Suzie began receiving vulgar e mails threatening her with violence. It can also be noted that the bully was back in school before the five days expulsion expired.
When discussing the situation with a friend, she shared that her niece had to change schools because of the ongoing bullying. What can a parent do?
i-Parent Times states that 32% of high school students and 17% of students grades 5-8 admit to having said mean or hurtful things on the internet. It is not enough to say that parents need to stop their children from bullying. This is a great thought but unrealistic. Unfortunately, some parents do not believe that their children would involve themselves in such behavior and some parents are bullies themselves. That being said, some parents will interview but they may be few and far apart.
i-Parent Times gives the following suggestions for those that receive bullying messages through e mails or other social media sites:
- Don't erase the messages or images. Save them in a folder. They may be need for taking legal action.
- If bullying has occurred at school, report the emails to them. Most schools have a bullying plan in place.
- Make a police report if the messages threaten safety.
- Block a bully. If the bully is attacking through instant messaging, the person can be blocked.
- Don't open messages from someone that you know is a bully.
Read more on cyber bullying at www.isafe.org/internetsafetymonth.
Kathy Rager, Executive Director at Community Assessment Referral & Education (CARE) and parent educator has provided advice on raising competent, capable children for the last 24 years. Her advice is based on a formal education, experience with highly stressed families and raising her own three children. She can be reached at 586.541.0033, krager@careofmacomb.com. CARE is located at 21012 Mack Ave, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236. You can learn more about healthy parenting by visiting CARE's web site at www.careofmacomb.com or call the CARE office at 586.541.0033.
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